By Francis Ewherido
Sometime ago, the photo of a young lady who hanged herself in an uncompleted building surfaced in the media. The accompanying story alleged that the she committed suicide because her boyfriend left her for another girl. Before then, there was a story of a male youth corp member who, either in anger, anguish or disappointment, committed suicide because his female friend got engaged to another man.
Please permit me to digress here. In life you tackle first things first. My firm belief in early marriage notwithstanding, a corp member’s priority, especially if he is from a poor background, should be to complete his service and get a source of livelihood. Then he should team up with his poor parents to give his siblings the privilege of a higher education that he inconvenienced the whole family to enjoy. During this time he should also invest time and resources in self-develop and grow his potentials. Marriage should not be the priority of a male corper, who supposedly is 30 years or below, unless he is from a rich family and everything has been provided and he is psychologically ready for the enormous task of matrimony and fatherhood.
If you are not silver-spooned, do the first things first. I am very sure that by the time you are ready, your would-be wife will be waiting for you. But if the one you thought is yours is snatched away, another one dey. With a population of about 170m million, there must be at least one million eligible spinsters to get a wife from, and as citizens of a global village that the world has become you literally have millions of spinsters to choose from. Personally, I believe God has created a spouse specifically for you. The one who jilts you cannot be that spouse.
Back to the matter, suicide “is the act of intentionally causing one’s own death.” There are varying reasons why people commit suicide: depression, loss of loved ones, financial problems, troubled relationships, job loss, shame and guilt. Others are traumatic experiences like rape or witnessing the brutal death or murder of loved ones, feeling of rejection and loneliness. Our concern here is lust-induced suicides—it cannot be love—by young people.
Why will a young person cut short his/her promising life? The underlying reason(s) might be low self-esteem, misplacement of priorities, inexperience, wrong value orientation and poor management of heartbreaks.
Heartbreaks are part and parcel of life as long as you breathe. You just learn to deal with them. It is like surfing, to be successful; you must learn to ride the inevitable waves. As Stephen Covey rightly observed, it is not what happened to you that matters but your reaction to what happened. Young people need to develop the right attitude to rejection. Parents, religious organizations and the school system should give youngsters a proper orientation about life. We must teach them to be in control of their minds. Whoever controls their minds controls their lives.
They should be landlords of their minds and anybody coming in comes as a tenant who can be kicked out at any time. Thankfully, there are no judges and lawyers who can stall proceedings. Just kick any useless tenant out of your mind. Being jilted can be traumatizing, heart-breaking and humiliating, but it is easier to manage when the offending party is a tenant. People are driven to depression and suicide when the heart breakers are landlords of their minds and lives.
The truth is it is not your fault that a guy/girl cannot appreciate you the way God created you. That person should just run along; the one who will treasure you is on the way. In some measure, I subscribe to the saying that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Do not cast your pearls before swine. They will certainly trample them under their feet. I feel so pained when I see people live their lives based on other people’s terms. Like dogs wagging their tails, they look into people’s eyes for acceptance and affirmation. Low self esteem, inferiority complex and lack of confidence are mainly responsible for this.
We also need to help our children and youths find their essence. They need to nurture their innate talents and abilities so that they can live their dreams, live assured lives and also fulfill their destinies. Such youths exude life, confidence and are very comfortable with themselves. You cannot manipulate or break their hearts to the point of driving them to commit suicide. Their happiness, essence and confidence emanate mainly from within not without.
These lust-induced suicides are making some people ask why youths are getting entangled in matters of the heart when they cannot handle the complications. I was comparing notes with a brother and friend recently. He told me, with disappointment; how he, with his wife, discovered that his teenage son had a girlfriend, in spite of his advice to the contrary. Since he claimed to be an adult, the parents decided to siddon look.
Some months later, the girl dumped him. For days, he cried like a little baby in the house, while the parents looked the other way. They wanted him to learn some valuable lessons. My father always told us, while growing up, that you cannot prevent a child from growing protruding teeth; he should just grow enough lips to cover them. Our children need to know that these relationships come with concomitant pains and heart breaks.
Many youths mistake puberty for adulthood; we must teach them that a gulf exists between these two stages of life. But we should not give up on them. Parents have to be there for their children through thick and thin. Many parents had lust-related heart breaks in the past; we must use our experience to guide our children. Heartbreak is devastating, but suicide is not an option. It is totally unnecessary in this matter.
Source: http://www.vanguardngr.com/2015/05/lust-induced-suicide/
Sometime ago, the photo of a young lady who hanged herself in an uncompleted building surfaced in the media. The accompanying story alleged that the she committed suicide because her boyfriend left her for another girl. Before then, there was a story of a male youth corp member who, either in anger, anguish or disappointment, committed suicide because his female friend got engaged to another man.
Please permit me to digress here. In life you tackle first things first. My firm belief in early marriage notwithstanding, a corp member’s priority, especially if he is from a poor background, should be to complete his service and get a source of livelihood. Then he should team up with his poor parents to give his siblings the privilege of a higher education that he inconvenienced the whole family to enjoy. During this time he should also invest time and resources in self-develop and grow his potentials. Marriage should not be the priority of a male corper, who supposedly is 30 years or below, unless he is from a rich family and everything has been provided and he is psychologically ready for the enormous task of matrimony and fatherhood.
If you are not silver-spooned, do the first things first. I am very sure that by the time you are ready, your would-be wife will be waiting for you. But if the one you thought is yours is snatched away, another one dey. With a population of about 170m million, there must be at least one million eligible spinsters to get a wife from, and as citizens of a global village that the world has become you literally have millions of spinsters to choose from. Personally, I believe God has created a spouse specifically for you. The one who jilts you cannot be that spouse.
Back to the matter, suicide “is the act of intentionally causing one’s own death.” There are varying reasons why people commit suicide: depression, loss of loved ones, financial problems, troubled relationships, job loss, shame and guilt. Others are traumatic experiences like rape or witnessing the brutal death or murder of loved ones, feeling of rejection and loneliness. Our concern here is lust-induced suicides—it cannot be love—by young people.
Why will a young person cut short his/her promising life? The underlying reason(s) might be low self-esteem, misplacement of priorities, inexperience, wrong value orientation and poor management of heartbreaks.
Heartbreaks are part and parcel of life as long as you breathe. You just learn to deal with them. It is like surfing, to be successful; you must learn to ride the inevitable waves. As Stephen Covey rightly observed, it is not what happened to you that matters but your reaction to what happened. Young people need to develop the right attitude to rejection. Parents, religious organizations and the school system should give youngsters a proper orientation about life. We must teach them to be in control of their minds. Whoever controls their minds controls their lives.
They should be landlords of their minds and anybody coming in comes as a tenant who can be kicked out at any time. Thankfully, there are no judges and lawyers who can stall proceedings. Just kick any useless tenant out of your mind. Being jilted can be traumatizing, heart-breaking and humiliating, but it is easier to manage when the offending party is a tenant. People are driven to depression and suicide when the heart breakers are landlords of their minds and lives.
The truth is it is not your fault that a guy/girl cannot appreciate you the way God created you. That person should just run along; the one who will treasure you is on the way. In some measure, I subscribe to the saying that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Do not cast your pearls before swine. They will certainly trample them under their feet. I feel so pained when I see people live their lives based on other people’s terms. Like dogs wagging their tails, they look into people’s eyes for acceptance and affirmation. Low self esteem, inferiority complex and lack of confidence are mainly responsible for this.
We also need to help our children and youths find their essence. They need to nurture their innate talents and abilities so that they can live their dreams, live assured lives and also fulfill their destinies. Such youths exude life, confidence and are very comfortable with themselves. You cannot manipulate or break their hearts to the point of driving them to commit suicide. Their happiness, essence and confidence emanate mainly from within not without.
These lust-induced suicides are making some people ask why youths are getting entangled in matters of the heart when they cannot handle the complications. I was comparing notes with a brother and friend recently. He told me, with disappointment; how he, with his wife, discovered that his teenage son had a girlfriend, in spite of his advice to the contrary. Since he claimed to be an adult, the parents decided to siddon look.
Some months later, the girl dumped him. For days, he cried like a little baby in the house, while the parents looked the other way. They wanted him to learn some valuable lessons. My father always told us, while growing up, that you cannot prevent a child from growing protruding teeth; he should just grow enough lips to cover them. Our children need to know that these relationships come with concomitant pains and heart breaks.
Many youths mistake puberty for adulthood; we must teach them that a gulf exists between these two stages of life. But we should not give up on them. Parents have to be there for their children through thick and thin. Many parents had lust-related heart breaks in the past; we must use our experience to guide our children. Heartbreak is devastating, but suicide is not an option. It is totally unnecessary in this matter.
Source: http://www.vanguardngr.com/2015/05/lust-induced-suicide/
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